I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
