My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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