Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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