did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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