Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
