i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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