Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
