So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
