So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When are your genitals available?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
