I'm gonna have a badass scar
Please, let me fuck your mom
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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