Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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