If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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