Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
