Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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