ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
