Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
