Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
