she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
