He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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