Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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