Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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