People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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