Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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