I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
