i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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