Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
