i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
