Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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