i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
