You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
