i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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