I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
