i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im holly from the hills drunk
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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