I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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