the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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