the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
not ubering you a puppy
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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