It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
