i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
