he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my shit smells like andre
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
