Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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