Kiss
Puke
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
