I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So vagazzling was a success
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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