he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
