my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
