No more Irish car bombs ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
