She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
