I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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