I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
