Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
