i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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